Thursday, September 21, 2006

Gym: The Ego Killer. A true story

So its about that time of the year again when i start getting this wierd sensation in my body... you know the one im talking about... the one in which i lose all sense of reason and decide to join a gym. Its an annual occurence which always starts with words such as.... "This year is going to be different. I won't ever give up" (big 100 watt south indian smile)... and ends with words such as... "Fuck this shit! Its impossible to get buff. My body has too much intertia (physics joke) for it to change. I FUCKING GIVE UP!!! YOU WIN Benchpress...." (followed by me making a high pitch crying sounds and me running to my room in a very effeminate manner).

So as you must have gathered from all my ramblings... i joined a gym recently and started to go work out. The first thing you will find out in a gym is that there will always be someone better then you. There will always be someone buffer then you... or if he's not buffer then you he's obviously more athletically fit then you... or if he is neither more buff nor athletically fitted then it is safe to assume that he has a bigger Micheal Jackson (aka penis) then you.

You must be wondering why i know this... and no its not because i was doing some hanky panky with him in the cooler room... it is due to the simple fact that this MOTHERFUCKER will be taking his MJ (aka Micheal Jackson which is aka penis) on parade in the locker room. He will fucking start doing jumping jacks in the middle of the locker room with his MJ flopping all over the place. The worst part is this generously endowed ASSININE BITCH ASSHOLE will always drop something on the ground right infront of u and pick up it up as her were fucking seducing you... and for all you sick degenerate homophobes who are snickering in the back (yes you... i see you)... seeing some other guys MJ does not make me gay... its just a reflex reaction. Its like before you can even stop urself from doing it... its too late... already seen it... its like you want to stop yourself but your body just has a will of its own... (now that does sound gay, i need to bring this up with my therapist next time i see him in the gym... naked).

So i finally get out of the locker room and go and hit the weights.... and then some guy laughs at me and tells me that im not supposed to hit the weights im supposed to LIFT the weights. So after getting all domestic on the weights i get into position in the machine... and all of u must be wondering which machine this might be.... ofcourse the benchpress... i wonder why there isn't one of those twisting turning velvet rope line thingys you have at amusement parks (you know what i'm talking about).... cuz everyone in the gym goes on the benchpress first... im just amazed there is no line there or a lady who gives you a number and says she will call your number when its your turn... newho i digress... so im in position gripping the handle bar... and i put the weight settings on "I'm a whus... i can only lift one plate"... now you finally lifting the weights and your thinking to urself... "this isnt too bad maybe i should've put the weight settings on "I'm a boy, God Damnit!"... but then i lift it up a second time and my arms start to convulse uncontrolably... like i've suddenly got Parkinsons...but i push on.... the third... on the fourth rep and i reached the mid point of the lift and suddenly noticed the weights had stopped moving and i had stopped breathing... my face is beet red and i start to exhale harder as if blowing on the weights is going to make a difference.... No matter how hard i blow the weights doesnt move and eventually i give up thinking why this god damn machine doesn't have a "I'm my daddy's lil precious girl" setting... and then the answer to my question comes... right after i am done guess who comes to use the machine.... yes ur right... STEROID SUZEY... she gets into position and sets the weights to "I deserve ur MJ more then u do" and starts gunning through her set of reps... then she sets the machine to "I can feel ur manhood shrivelling away"... and guns through her second set.... this is all i have to say to fucking Steroid Suzey... LAY OFF THE FUCKING JUICE YOU NEANDERTHAL... making me feel like a girl wont make you into a fucking boy... and you have a thicker beard then i do :P (very mature Daniyal, that will show her).

Have u ever noticed that u just curse out the wierdest thing at the people who make you insecure... if u dont then i guess i will have to bring this up with my therapist as well. In the gym i feel as if i have turret syndrome... whenever i see a guy with a buffer body then me (i.e. everyone) i cuss at him in my mind... "Motherfucker with his huge ass biceps... must be compensating for something"... "Asshole thinks he's the shit with his well toned abs but he's GAY as sunshine"... "Fucking Suzey Steroid can't save up enough for that sex transplant... bitch"... "Even though he is well endowed... no one could love a face like that"... "Look a dumb bell lifting a dumb bell" ... i'm guessing you get the idea.

All dejected i finally give up for the day... i just hope nobody has the nerve to ask me whether i feel better after working out... if somebody does i guess im going to have to bludgen them to death with my 2 pound dumb bell... cuz thats the only dumb bell i can bludgen someone with.

Oh Ego! May you Rest in Peace.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Men... its not our fault

Dear faithful readers, i would like to thank you for all your patience and support this past year. I have been fighting a life threatening illness which left me unable to type... after months of rehab i am not able to resume writing on my blog... you all must be wondering what life threatening disease i was battling... i'll tell you... its call LAZINESS!!! HAHAHAHA!!! I'm back SUCKAS!!! The king has returned.

This post has been long over due. To maintain the harmony and balance in the world i must describe the truth about men. My fellow man i am not gay for telling the woman species our secrets... cuz they arent really secrets. One thing which men arent is subtle. For example, say u meet a new guy... say his name is Daniyal... it cud be anyone...the name has no bearing on the doesnt reflect the character of the Daniyals in the world... as i was saying... say u meet a new guy, Daniyal... and ur talking to him abt one thing or another... u notice that Daniyal's eyes are looking at ur cleavage and not ur face... what does this mean? hmmm i need to think... does anyone know the answer... anyone... HE LIKES UR BOOBS!! Thats it! Men are that simple to understand... we lack the subtlety (cant spell but im too lazy to check) gene. That example in mind i am going to delve in greater details the characteristics of men.

Men put the hippo in Hypocrite
Men are the biggest hypocrites in the world and they dont even realize it. Unfortunately this is no fault of the man himself rather its the womans fault (surprise surprise). Men aren't hypocrites with their pals or buddies... its only with girls.
Here is a typical event in a Plain Hira (Jane's Pakistani counterpart) and Average Shahid (Joe's Pakistani counterpart) relationship... "Shahid... why can't i go to parties"... "Cause ur a girl and im a guy"... "But Shahid, all the other girls go... even your sister does"... "Boo fucking hoo... i said no and no means no! BAS!!!"
The hypocricy stems from girls having the Oprah Complex aka the You Go girl Complex... women suffering from this complex think that the above mentioned guy is not looking at her breasts but rather is looking at a locket she has containing a family portrat.... and she thinks that this guy just wants to be friends with her. This is the dumbassedness (yes its a word... though i made it up) which leads men to their hypocracy. These girls think they can handle any situation and that all guys are sweeties.... WRONG!!! WRONG!!! WRONG!!!

Men are pervs to the power infinity
Men have the ability to make anything no matter how sweet in appearance into something perverted. Say your boyfriend... who ofcourse isnt like the other guys... he loves you for your personality and not ur looks (insert vomit stain and soundeffects) is caressing your hand... this is pure lustless amour... this is Love in its purest form... (insert author smacking himself senseslessly with a hammer).
If you think so then you are suffering from the complex called "My boyfriend is different"... ladies i will tell you the truth... HE's not... if he has a penis he is not different... even its a "tiny wheeny itsy bitsy cutie mutie for which he needs a tweezer just to please himself" penis... he is still a man and HENCE a perv. This is what your boyfriend is actually thinking when he is caressing your hand.... "HOW MUCH LONGER DO I HAVE TO DO THIS GODFORSAKEN SAPPY LOVE SICK HAND CARESSING NONSENSE BEFORE I GET TO THE GOOD PART!!!! CANT WE JUST CUT TO THE CHASE. WHAT MORE DO I HAVE TO DO!!! WHY GOD!!! WHHYYYYY!!!!!!!!"
Sorry ladies he IS thinking about sex at that very sweet and innocent moment. I am sorry but thats the way it is. Women have a soundtrack intune with their life playing in the back of their minds.... well men have a porno movie playing in the back of their minds... all the time.
This too is the fault of women... evolution has made us into this. It is similar to how man evolved to crave for sugar since it was in such limited supply in the prehistoric age (Hershey's only had one factory then).... since women have been denying us sex for soo many years... men have evolved into perverts who are always thinking about sex... even at the purest most innocent of times.

Men are Sadists
Its a Friday night and the boys are going to the stripclub... do u know one thing that your boyfriend would enjoy more then having some STD filled prostitute rub her breasts in his face for a buck (and no u S&Mer's its not that)... the one thing your boyfriend loves more than that is making u cry. As sick and twisted and demented as it sounds... its true. Guys love to make girls cry... Guys start training from childhood to learn how to make girls cry... we start of with some crude methods such as pulling the girls ponytail or calling her names.... and then we slowly mature and learn more subtle means to make a cry... such as pulling their ponytails and calling them names.
Though some men evolve into greater beings, who make making girls cry into an art form. These noble men sacrifice their own manliness... their egos just to make a girl cry.... I salute these men. Here is what they do... i think these guys have a emotion detector up their ass or something... but they know when a woman is slightly sad. What they do is they grab on to that sadness and rub it in... heres an exerpt from such a scene...
"So the chicken got burnt... its ok... its ok... its ok its not ur fault.... Look at me... Look at me God damnit... its not ur fault... its ok if u want to cry... its ok... u've been a brave girl for soo long... its ok if u want to cry... its not ur fault that your mother didnt love u".... and at this point the man's eyes start to glisten with moisture aka tears and his voice starts to crack up... "Its ok if u want to cry... im with u... a person can only take soo much... its not ur fault... u can lean on me"... now the woman's eyes start to moisten and the guy senses victory and goes for the knockout punch...with tears flowing he says.... "Its ok... I love u"... and as soon as the guy sees the first picture perfect tear drop rolling down the girls cheek he starts doing a victory dance in his mind.... and all he wants now is this stupid crying bitch to stop crying. Whatta sadist... tsk tsk tsk.

So there you have it ladies and Gentaman, the uncut unbiased truth about men.... all our shortcomings can be blamed on the women... we men are but God's naive creatures... we do not know any better then the bunny that is humping the other bunny.... we just follow our instincts... if Eve had not told Adam to eat the forbidden fruit... Adam wouldn't have known better.... but once he had the forbidden fruit... he wanted it again and again and again... but would Eve let him have it.... Noooooooo... so man evolved into what he is... a sex craving hypoctritic perverted sadist.... Well done Women... i hope you are all proud of yourself. Tsk.... tsk... tsk.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Women...can't live them, can't live without them!

This is a blog that is past overdue. I have been contemplating for many days (months actually) how to list all the defining attributes of the fairer species...and i can't claim that i have done that completely but since this is my life long mission, i hope to accomplish this task before my life ends.

So before getting on with the defining attributes I would like to make certain clarifications/comments. Firstly that it was Eve made Adam eat the forbidden fruit according to eye witness reports told to CNN. Secondly, approximately 5% of the women in the world are hot according to my standards and if any of you hot ladies are reading this..."I love you, and all of what i will say doesn't apply to you... I am your humble slave". Finally, everything i say in this blog is fact and the last word on the arguements. Now the defining characteristics of women.

They are an Oxymoron.
What i mean by this statement is exactly what i said...Women are Oxymorons!!! I will now elaborate. Everyman has heard this line at least once in their life from a woman..."Do you think i am fat?" after a man hears this question it is better to shoot himself rather then try and answer the question cuz there is no right answer. YOUR FUCKED EITHER WAY! If you take the diplomatic road and tell her "Of course not... ur not fat...ur lovely"...they will come later and bite ur head off cause someone told them they were fat and the following speech would follow from the woman... "U said i wasnt fat...i trusted ppl think i am fat and its all your fault. I thought u loved me and wud never lie to me. I hate you!" This speech is usually followed by the woman pulling out her shotgun and shooting the man. Now the other road a man cud take is the honorable path in which he tells her the truth..."Yes, honey you are humongous. You are like the Marshmellow Man from ghostbusters and Anjuman combined. You don't need to go on a diet...u need to stop eating period. I am sorry i couldn't sugar coat this any better then this" which the woman ussually by passes any form of speech and pulls out her shotgun and shoots the man. Men are fucked either way. Women don't know what they want or what they want from men.

Supporters of Einsteins Theory of Relativity.
This characteristic can be summarized in one statement by a woman... "I'll be down in 2 minutes" followed by the woman coming down 20 minutes later according to the atomic watch carried around by most men for accurate measurement. If you'll be down in 2 minutes, u'll just come down rather then make the effort of telling me ur coming down in 2 minutes. Whats the use of giving me these time schedules and getting my hopes up and then crushing them like a crushable object (cudnt come up with a creative simily). Then there are the women who get stuck in an infinite loop of 2 minutes...every 5 minutes according to you atomic watch they shout out..."i'll be down in two minutes". This loop terminates once the man commits suicide. And then...this is my favourite part...when they finally come down...they have the nerve to say..."Did I keep you waiting?"....ARGGHH!!! And you wonder where psychopaths come from...women create them.

Every woman thinks they are equal to men. Let me tell them one thing....NO YOU ARE NOT!!! The average woman is not capable of doing simple maths, lifting a 20 pound dumbell, being able to control their emotions, or subjugate men. All things which an average man is able to do. You are not equal to Men....Men have been dominating the world for millions of years...there must be a reason for it. Use ur brains which claim to be equivalent to those of Men....there must be some reason why women havent been able to dominate over men. Once you are able to make this link...women will be one step closer to actually being equal to men.

Bad Drivers.
Do i need to elaborate this one.

All of them have the Sherlock Holme gene.
Every woman overanalyzes every statement a man says. Its like they are trying to crack the Da Vinci Code or something. "You said that you wanted to go to the bathroom....what you actually were trying to convey to me in your male chauvinistic way is that you think that you are better then me"....or a woman would say..."The bag of chips you shared with me is a symbol of your love and how you want to share everything in life with me...yes I will marry you"...cud it be by some wierd chance that the guy was offering u chips so that you would SHUT UP!!! Jesus why cant anything be taken for face value, why does there have to be an undertone to everything. Get a grip not everything is a conspiracy theory.

These are the few characteristics i felt needed to be mentioned. If any of you women have a problem with it...BRING IT!!!

ps Ladies...please dont hurt me. I only jest.
pps this blog will be eventually followed by "the Retards men are"
ppps Ladies...i am really sorry...please don't hurt me.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The unrecognized Hero!

It is the Holy month of Ramadan right now people so i will not curse or say anything vulgar in this blog (so all you perverts get the FFFF....oops almost made a boo boo). Anywho as i was is the month of Ramadan...the month in which Muslims fast all day and overeat all night. It is like in this month Muslims become vampires... "I cannot feed during the daylight for it is forbidden, but henceforth once light goes...i will devour ravenously the feast lay before me...muahahaha!"

Everyone can relate to the fact that they have over eaten at iftaari..."i shudnt have had that last pakora, just because of that last pakora i am about to explode, just because of the teeny tiny pakora i over ate"... i am not a rocket scientist or a nutritionist but maybe those dozen other pakoras you had before the last one, or the half dozen sandwiches you had before that infamous pakora might be to blame as well.

Anywho i diverge from what i wanted to say in this blog...this blog actually does have a point as opposed to my other blogs. During ramadan there is an unsung hero which we all need to acknowledge and be thankful for. Who is it...well its a what for starters...the hero in hiding is....(drum roll please)....The AFTER IFTAARI DAKAAR (BURP)!!!

Yes people the burp that relieves us from our pain and anguish. After you have over eaten there is nothing worse then being unable to burp...people who are unable to burp and are trying to after they have over eaten look like they are trying to take a catch in slip with their mouths...they are all bent forward with their mouth half open in ideal catching position....or an alternate strategy is when people go to their mama and start getting thapras (pats) on the back to make the burp come out. I dont know what the science behind this is but it works. Its like an exosism of the evil gases...."I forsesake the evil pakora the power of GOD... leave my son alone....leave him be....DEPART!!! GHAAAP!!!"

But nothing beats the sense of accomplishment and relief when u finally get that after iftaari feels as if you can finally breath again and your stomach falls back into its rightful place as opposed to being in your lungs. You feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted off ur stomach and you can think about eating again. My favourite people are those people who after over eating and going through anguish of being unable to burp say... "Ill never overeat again...never never never...this is the last time"...and as you can guess the very next day they'll be saying...."Damn i shudnt have had that last pakora".

This ramadan i ask you people to be grateful for the small pleasures in life, in your prayers offer a little thanx for being able to take that after dinner burp with your loved ones. Offer a little prayer for others and may you all have a blessed Ramadan. GHAAAP!!

ps if you are confused about what GHAAP is... that is my sound fx for a burp

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Super Heroes...with a Twist! another random thought popped into my screwed up brain the other day. I am a big super hero fan...i am still hoping that one day i will grow up to be superman...but that doesnt seem to be happening. So i thought to myself WHAT IF these popular superheroes had one minor change in them...all the same Super powers but one minor adjustment. This is the list i have compiled uptill now.

What if the Flash had his super speed but had a weak back. Every time he made a hard break...snap there goes his back.
What if Batman saw a cute cuddly kitten in the cave he fell into....wud he become CuteCuddlyKittenMan.
What if Captain America wasnt actually American but an illegal immigrant from down South.
What if Superman had motion sickness. Started doing his Super puke when he was flying...thereby destroying metropolis.
What if Spiderman had arachnophobia..." I have the powers of a spider...I disgust myself...I wanna Die!" Then he would swat himself with a newspaper.
What if Wolverine had no control of where the spikes came out. Would he be like a porcupine whenever somebody pissed him off roll up in a ball and get his spikes out....doesnt seem as cool.
What if Maula Jutt...I cant come up with anything for Maula Jutt...he's just perfect...I love the backward jumps onto the building and then the thousand bullet dance he does...wobble that chest Maula...Maula Jutt cud whup anyones ass...if only he didnt have to save his Mom's dupatta all the time. Thats like his kryptonite..."mairay maa da duppata chud deyo Jeeriyaa!!!"

If i can remember any other Superheroes...ill post them as comments. Untill then think abt this...think abt all the real problems superheroes have to go through andrealize how trivial our problems are...we got it good...those poor poor Superheroes.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Breaking the Racial Divide.

I was browsing the internet one day when i came across the website Hot or Not...for those of you who have never come across it... this is website in which you rate whether people are hot or not. As i was rating people it occured to me that the guys who created this website are pioneers, revolutionaries who are trying to cut down the racial divide into only two categories from the hundreds of thousands present today in the world...Hot or Not!

Its simple. The world should be divided into only two races. The race of the hot and the race of the not. Those pioneers are taking a step forward to making the world into a universal race of Hots now if only the government would aporve of all the nots getting vasectomies and hystrectomies.

Using the data base these geniuses have compiled we can make the world into one race of would be a peaceful world where everyone will be happy and hot. May God give these pioneers a chance to complete their noble Mission.

ps. please include me in hot

Continuation of Retardation.

So one of my dear friends tagged me...whatever thats supposed to signify like we are in an emotional tag team wrestling match..." why dont u share with me what ur favourite color...Tag now tell me were u abused as a child....Tag now you have to tell me if your gay...good one." What the hell is up with this retarded forwarding nonsense. If you have the unquenchable desire to keep a chain letter going...Kill yourself! Don't share it with me. Dont emotionally blackmail me with the idea that if i dont send this e-mail to 250 my mother will die...u sick fucks!

Newho im steering off topic here. My friend tagged me and i wish i cud bitch slap him for tagging me and now i have the unquenchable desire to answer any questions im supposed to. So here is my list of answers for the questions my retarded friend sent me.

5 years ago: I was a rising porn star all set to take over Ron Jeremys spot in history and also Sultan Rahis spot in history for most movies made. But then something went horrible wrong and my Micheal Jackson exploded from an overdose of viagra. An errection that lasted 4 days. That was me 5 years ago. And i am sharing this with you all because of the fact that i was tagged.

1 year ago: I underwent plastic surgery which helped me recover part of my Micheal Jackson. I was seen on the show Nip & Tuck and u can see me undergoing surgery. After that i was caught having having sex with a sheep and was put away in jail cuz the sheep was underage. How was i supposed to know it wasn't completely matured it had fake teeth implanted (those of u who go shopping for baqra eid will understand that). The reason why i am sharing such embarassing facts about my life is that i was tagged and now i cant stop myself from writing this stuff.

5 songs I know all the words to: Kill Forwarders; I dont wanna be tagged; Tag this you Bitch; The Circle of Tag and my all time favorite song "Why am i so retarded that i forward shit"

Snacks I enjoy: Since you are my friend and you have my e-mail address...i am guessing you can ask me this question to my face...but noooo that wud be too impersonal...reading it on my blog would be more meaningful...u bastard....u have the nerve to ask me what my favorite snack is when u know its FLAMING HOT CHEETOS!!! I'm sorry i just get emotional when i am asked abt snacks...i cudnt keep it in me...but now after reading it on my blog you wont forget it.

Things I'd do w/ $100 million dollars: I love this question. Most people answer i would give 50% to charity and 40% to start a business and leave the rest for my family. My ass you would!!! You would keep all that money to yourself and not share it with anyone. You know what i would do if i had 100 million dollars. I would pay $100 to everyman who kicks the ass of the person who forwards him any stupid retarded "whats ur favorite color" email or "if you dont forward this to 100 ppl u'll be a virgin for life" e-mail...that one still haunts me.

5 places I would run away to: This question is not clear therefore i cannot answer it. It depends on what the circumstances of my running away...if I am running away for fear of death i would have a different top 5 compared to the one if i were i running away for fear of remaining a virgin for life. Get what i am saying. I cant answer this question DUmbass Questionaire guy...proof read ur idiotic questions.

5 things I would never wear: A thong, Speedo, Used underwear, Underwear with shit stains, Underwear period!

5 favorite tv shows: This question is also inconclusive. It depends on my mood. I would have a different list if i were in love compared to if i were horny.

5 greatest joys: Whats up with all these 5 questions. Cant i decide how many i want to list. What if i have a shitty depressing life and cant get to 5. Did u ever think about the Mr Questionaire guy. Do u know how depressing it is knowing that i dont have 5 greatest joys!!! I am going to a rebel i am going to only write 3. How do feel now? DId i take one of ur greatest joys away from you. Here it is Sleeping, Making fun of ppl, Picking ppl up when their down and then kicking them back down.

5 favorite toys: I have only one toy and that is my favoritest toy in the world. My Micheal Jackson!

5 People I'm Tagging: I am killing myself as soon as i upload this,,, so that this viscious cycle may end. But before i go... listen to my message people.... If you get a forwarded e-mail asking u to forward it to 100 ppl ...dont do a rebel...take a what if ur a virgin all ur least you wont be condeming others to the same cruel fate...and if u have a friend and u want to ask him his favourite color...just do it...instead of tagging him....worse case scenario he wont answer or worse case worse case scenario he'll turn into a raving lunatic and kill you cuz asking him abt his favourite color brings back too many painful memories of how his uncle used to "play" with him... On that note Goodbye Cruel World. Tag.

Monday, August 22, 2005

The Staring Game

Okay….whether you would like to admit it or not we have all played the staring game….and we have all lost at the staring game at some point in our life. What is the Staring Game you ask me…and being the all knowing person that I am (plus the guy who is writing this article) I will answer your retarded question.

To play the staring game you need two people. A starer….and a stare-eee…u alternate on who the starer and stare-eee is usually. The object of the game is to walk away with as much pride as possible. The winner is the one whose ego is left intact. To initiate the game you must be walking towards the starer/stare-eee and you must be walking on a bridge or a narrow alley way so that there is no way not to cross each other. Now the starer/stare-eee is supposed to be a person you have only met once at a party and he/she was drunk or you were drunk and you don’t know whether he/she remembers you or you were supposed to remember him/her or if you remember he/she will you be thought of as a weirdo who has no friends and remembers everyone he/she meets. All these thoughts are going through your brain as the starer/stare-eee is approaching you.

Now that all the required pieces for the encounter are ready…Let the Game begin!!!

Now what happens is…you take turns to look at the person approaching you from the corner of your eye not making it too obvious that you recognize the person or that you want to acknowledge the persons presence. So one person looks at the other person from the corner of their eye and as he/she looks away the other person looks at the person from the corner of their eye…this way you exchange being the starer or staree. This is the preliminary stage when you are quite far from each other… in which if you are an amateur you usually crack and lose some “coolness points” by blurting out in one breath “Hey…my Name is Daniyal….we met up at a party…u were drunk and with ur head in the pot…I don’t think you remember me…I was the guy who was taking care of you in the bathroom…you looked so pretty puking…I LOVE YOU!!!” Your ego takes a hit the other person ignores you if their sane or if they are trying to be oh so nice and sweet they say…. “yeh thanx….gotta run” and then jump off the bridge, commit suicide rather than having to cross paths with you. In this case the amateur is the winner by default…but usually the amateur leaves with a shattered ego and jumps off the bridge himself later on that day.

Once the preliminary stage is over and you are both more or less side to side….stage two begins…in this case there are a couple of scenarios:

Scenario 1
The starer makes eye contact with the stare-eee and takes this as a sign and smiles (all 32 teeth)… the stare-eee sees this and turns away without acknowledging that persons existence. Victor Stare-eee.

Scenario 2
The starer makes eye contact with the stare-eee and takes this as a sign and smiles (all 32 teeth)… the stare-eee sees this and returns the smile. Draw.

Scenario 3
The starer makes eye contact with the stare-eee and takes this as a sign and smiles (all 32 teeth)… the stare-eee sees this and returns the smile. But in an effort to receive some major Haraami Points the starer looks away and ignores the persons smile…leaving the stare-eee perplexed/confused/belittled. Victor Starer.

Scenario 4
The Starer makes eye contact with the stare-eee and in an overzealous effort to get coolness points….waves. The stare-eee completely ignores this and walks on….meanwhile the starer uses that same hand which is left dangling in the air…suspended by nothing but his own stupidity….to smack the shit out of himself. Victor Stare-eee.

Some tips for scenario 3…don’t leave your hand in the air for more then a microsecond….as soon as you see no response you should move your waving hand through your hair….as swiftly and smoothly as u can manage….thereby retaining some coolness points. Another more drastic method is to use the waving hand to flip the person who ignored you off…repeated…thereby turning the tables and winning the contest.

There you have it the simple rules of the staring game….now you go play it. The prize of the game is the winner lives and the loser kills himself. You are the weakest link goodbye.