Women...can't live them, can't live without them!
This is a blog that is past overdue. I have been contemplating for many days (months actually) how to list all the defining attributes of the fairer species...and i can't claim that i have done that completely but since this is my life long mission, i hope to accomplish this task before my life ends.
So before getting on with the defining attributes I would like to make certain clarifications/comments. Firstly that it was Eve made Adam eat the forbidden fruit according to eye witness reports told to CNN. Secondly, approximately 5% of the women in the world are hot according to my standards and if any of you hot ladies are reading this..."I love you, and all of what i will say doesn't apply to you... I am your humble slave". Finally, everything i say in this blog is fact and the last word on the matter...no arguements. Now the defining characteristics of women.
They are an Oxymoron.
What i mean by this statement is exactly what i said...Women are Oxymorons!!! I will now elaborate. Everyman has heard this line at least once in their life from a woman..."Do you think i am fat?"...now after a man hears this question it is better to shoot himself rather then try and answer the question cuz there is no right answer. YOUR FUCKED EITHER WAY! If you take the diplomatic road and tell her "Of course not... ur not fat...ur lovely"...they will come later and bite ur head off cause someone told them they were fat and the following speech would follow from the woman... "U said i wasnt fat...i trusted you...now ppl think i am fat and its all your fault. I thought u loved me and wud never lie to me. I hate you!" This speech is usually followed by the woman pulling out her shotgun and shooting the man. Now the other road a man cud take is the honorable path in which he tells her the truth..."Yes, honey you are humongous. You are like the Marshmellow Man from ghostbusters and Anjuman combined. You don't need to go on a diet...u need to stop eating period. I am sorry i couldn't sugar coat this any better then this"...to which the woman ussually by passes any form of speech and pulls out her shotgun and shoots the man. Men are fucked either way. Women don't know what they want or what they want from men.
Supporters of Einsteins Theory of Relativity.
This characteristic can be summarized in one statement by a woman... "I'll be down in 2 minutes" followed by the woman coming down 20 minutes later according to the atomic watch carried around by most men for accurate measurement. If you'll be down in 2 minutes, u'll just come down rather then make the effort of telling me ur coming down in 2 minutes. Whats the use of giving me these time schedules and getting my hopes up and then crushing them like a crushable object (cudnt come up with a creative simily). Then there are the women who get stuck in an infinite loop of 2 minutes...every 5 minutes according to you atomic watch they shout out..."i'll be down in two minutes". This loop terminates once the man commits suicide. And then...this is my favourite part...when they finally come down...they have the nerve to say..."Did I keep you waiting?"....ARGGHH!!! And you wonder where psychopaths come from...women create them.
Feminist.
Every woman thinks they are equal to men. Let me tell them one thing....NO YOU ARE NOT!!! The average woman is not capable of doing simple maths, lifting a 20 pound dumbell, being able to control their emotions, or subjugate men. All things which an average man is able to do. You are not equal to Men....Men have been dominating the world for millions of years...there must be a reason for it. Use ur brains which claim to be equivalent to those of Men....there must be some reason why women havent been able to dominate over men. Once you are able to make this link...women will be one step closer to actually being equal to men.
Bad Drivers.
Do i need to elaborate this one.
All of them have the Sherlock Holme gene.
Every woman overanalyzes every statement a man says. Its like they are trying to crack the Da Vinci Code or something. "You said that you wanted to go to the bathroom....what you actually were trying to convey to me in your male chauvinistic way is that you think that you are better then me"....or a woman would say..."The bag of chips you shared with me is a symbol of your love and how you want to share everything in life with me...yes I will marry you"...cud it be by some wierd chance that the guy was offering u chips so that you would SHUT UP!!! Jesus why cant anything be taken for face value, why does there have to be an undertone to everything. Get a grip not everything is a conspiracy theory.
These are the few characteristics i felt needed to be mentioned. If any of you women have a problem with it...BRING IT!!!
ps Ladies...please dont hurt me. I only jest.
pps this blog will be eventually followed by "the Retards men are"
ppps Ladies...i am really sorry...please don't hurt me.
So before getting on with the defining attributes I would like to make certain clarifications/comments. Firstly that it was Eve made Adam eat the forbidden fruit according to eye witness reports told to CNN. Secondly, approximately 5% of the women in the world are hot according to my standards and if any of you hot ladies are reading this..."I love you, and all of what i will say doesn't apply to you... I am your humble slave". Finally, everything i say in this blog is fact and the last word on the matter...no arguements. Now the defining characteristics of women.
They are an Oxymoron.
What i mean by this statement is exactly what i said...Women are Oxymorons!!! I will now elaborate. Everyman has heard this line at least once in their life from a woman..."Do you think i am fat?"...now after a man hears this question it is better to shoot himself rather then try and answer the question cuz there is no right answer. YOUR FUCKED EITHER WAY! If you take the diplomatic road and tell her "Of course not... ur not fat...ur lovely"...they will come later and bite ur head off cause someone told them they were fat and the following speech would follow from the woman... "U said i wasnt fat...i trusted you...now ppl think i am fat and its all your fault. I thought u loved me and wud never lie to me. I hate you!" This speech is usually followed by the woman pulling out her shotgun and shooting the man. Now the other road a man cud take is the honorable path in which he tells her the truth..."Yes, honey you are humongous. You are like the Marshmellow Man from ghostbusters and Anjuman combined. You don't need to go on a diet...u need to stop eating period. I am sorry i couldn't sugar coat this any better then this"...to which the woman ussually by passes any form of speech and pulls out her shotgun and shoots the man. Men are fucked either way. Women don't know what they want or what they want from men.
Supporters of Einsteins Theory of Relativity.
This characteristic can be summarized in one statement by a woman... "I'll be down in 2 minutes" followed by the woman coming down 20 minutes later according to the atomic watch carried around by most men for accurate measurement. If you'll be down in 2 minutes, u'll just come down rather then make the effort of telling me ur coming down in 2 minutes. Whats the use of giving me these time schedules and getting my hopes up and then crushing them like a crushable object (cudnt come up with a creative simily). Then there are the women who get stuck in an infinite loop of 2 minutes...every 5 minutes according to you atomic watch they shout out..."i'll be down in two minutes". This loop terminates once the man commits suicide. And then...this is my favourite part...when they finally come down...they have the nerve to say..."Did I keep you waiting?"....ARGGHH!!! And you wonder where psychopaths come from...women create them.
Feminist.
Every woman thinks they are equal to men. Let me tell them one thing....NO YOU ARE NOT!!! The average woman is not capable of doing simple maths, lifting a 20 pound dumbell, being able to control their emotions, or subjugate men. All things which an average man is able to do. You are not equal to Men....Men have been dominating the world for millions of years...there must be a reason for it. Use ur brains which claim to be equivalent to those of Men....there must be some reason why women havent been able to dominate over men. Once you are able to make this link...women will be one step closer to actually being equal to men.
Bad Drivers.
Do i need to elaborate this one.
All of them have the Sherlock Holme gene.
Every woman overanalyzes every statement a man says. Its like they are trying to crack the Da Vinci Code or something. "You said that you wanted to go to the bathroom....what you actually were trying to convey to me in your male chauvinistic way is that you think that you are better then me"....or a woman would say..."The bag of chips you shared with me is a symbol of your love and how you want to share everything in life with me...yes I will marry you"...cud it be by some wierd chance that the guy was offering u chips so that you would SHUT UP!!! Jesus why cant anything be taken for face value, why does there have to be an undertone to everything. Get a grip not everything is a conspiracy theory.
These are the few characteristics i felt needed to be mentioned. If any of you women have a problem with it...BRING IT!!!
ps Ladies...please dont hurt me. I only jest.
pps this blog will be eventually followed by "the Retards men are"
ppps Ladies...i am really sorry...please don't hurt me.
posted by Late night with Dani at 5:25 PM
26 Comments:
This comment has been removed by the author.
lol @ Bad Drivers!!
women subjugate men all the time. cleverness hoti hai when they don't let you catch on..so next time you see some poor schmuck carrying the groceries for a woman, battling cruddy traffic driving her home *and* doing her math homework, you'll know what happened. bruhuhahahaa
finally a woman falls for the trap...u call that subjugation...i call it a man getting cheap thrills...oh we touched hands while doing homework...no subjugation...the man is getting out of it what a man wants...his cheap thrills...most of the men who do this have one thing on their mind...and they are subjugated to that thought not the woman...newho next time a guy offers to be nice....think abt what he's thinking.
My dear hopeless friend....I never did doubt your insanity ...now you display you 'manhood' hahaha :P
Refer later for online counceling *ding ting da ting!*
i would slap you if you werent right
women just complicate things, men are simple basic creatures. better looking versions of tame animals pretty much
now i have a feeling your going to slap me.
randomly came across this blog off a random link from one of the random blogs i stumble upon every other random day but i haven't had this! much fun reading any randomly crossed writing before heheh kickass! post dude *Salute!~*
grr..saamne tau ao..
OH shut up!!! You'd better come up with that Men are retards post quick!
P.S: We are what we are ... and you're bloody lucky to have us around! :p
puppi leyni hai?
still waiting for "the Retards men are" :P
This comment has been removed by the author.
HNY!!
*is duly offended*!
i agree with the 'men are retards' thing.
All straight women who are feminists only 'pretend' to be so because they can't get their equality any other way. The rest of them are just gay and want to meet other women.
i hardly blog and i hardly hop from one blog to another. but today i randomly ended up in ure territory.
anyways uve done a wonderful job at it. ofcourse there's a lot i can debate on!!
But Comin from a man, it's good... although ure biased atleast uve managed to know us women a bit!!
nyways..worth a goood laughter!
i must say this is the most hilarious stuff i've read in the past month. good going hahahah :D
*chuckle*
Came accross your blog somehow?! Okay, women may be Bad drivers and they may sometimes misinterpret a mans actions, BUT think about it, do you really think a man can survive without a woman in his life. Can you survive without a woman in your life? And I sure as hell dont know what women you are around...BUT not all women are the same, I sure may be a bad driver, but the 'Oxymoron' and 'einstien' dont apply to me...and I am not a feminist...I agree some women need to realize the fine line created between a man and a woman. Overall hillarious post...and I'll def. be back for the "retards men are" post..so hurry! :D
Random blogger....
Yes, I'm a bad driver too :P Apart from that.... you will make many enemies with this post! (Women are psychic too *grin*)
hahahaha!
good post!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
amusing, im googling maula jutt and i end up on a blog with comments from bloggers i recognize. scary. small world. very scary.
upadte already dammit.
......and u must add on that they never admit!
;P
haaaaaaaaaha!
not bad for 1 am in the morning.
http://www.bigdamnfunny.com/articles/women2.html
enjoy ;)
hahahahaha. you're either becoming a priest or you don't mind being on your own.
tis true, the words that you spew
chicks and math, just her and you
by saying so, you're among the great
but sadly, dani boy, u've sealed ur fate.
the things that you mention are just the tip of the iceberg for hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
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