Men... its not our fault
Dear faithful readers, i would like to thank you for all your patience and support this past year. I have been fighting a life threatening illness which left me unable to type... after months of rehab i am not able to resume writing on my blog... you all must be wondering what life threatening disease i was battling... i'll tell you... its call LAZINESS!!! HAHAHAHA!!! I'm back SUCKAS!!! The king has returned.
This post has been long over due. To maintain the harmony and balance in the world i must describe the truth about men. My fellow man i am not gay for telling the woman species our secrets... cuz they arent really secrets. One thing which men arent is subtle. For example, say u meet a new guy... say his name is Daniyal... it cud be anyone...the name has no bearing on the story...it doesnt reflect the character of the Daniyals in the world... as i was saying... say u meet a new guy, Daniyal... and ur talking to him abt one thing or another... u notice that Daniyal's eyes are looking at ur cleavage and not ur face... what does this mean? hmmm i need to think... does anyone know the answer... anyone... HE LIKES UR BOOBS!! Thats it! Men are that simple to understand... we lack the subtlety (cant spell but im too lazy to check) gene. That example in mind i am going to delve in greater details the characteristics of men.
Men put the hippo in Hypocrite
Men are the biggest hypocrites in the world and they dont even realize it. Unfortunately this is no fault of the man himself rather its the womans fault (surprise surprise). Men aren't hypocrites with their pals or buddies... its only with girls.
Here is a typical event in a Plain Hira (Jane's Pakistani counterpart) and Average Shahid (Joe's Pakistani counterpart) relationship... "Shahid... why can't i go to parties"... "Cause ur a girl and im a guy"... "But Shahid, all the other girls go... even your sister does"... "Boo fucking hoo... i said no and no means no! BAS!!!"
The hypocricy stems from girls having the Oprah Complex aka the You Go girl Complex... women suffering from this complex think that the above mentioned guy is not looking at her breasts but rather is looking at a locket she has containing a family portrat.... and she thinks that this guy just wants to be friends with her. This is the dumbassedness (yes its a word... though i made it up) which leads men to their hypocracy. These girls think they can handle any situation and that all guys are sweeties.... WRONG!!! WRONG!!! WRONG!!!
Men are pervs to the power infinity
Men have the ability to make anything no matter how sweet in appearance into something perverted. Say your boyfriend... who ofcourse isnt like the other guys... he loves you for your personality and not ur looks (insert vomit stain and soundeffects) is caressing your hand... this is pure lustless amour... this is Love in its purest form... (insert author smacking himself senseslessly with a hammer).
If you think so then you are suffering from the complex called "My boyfriend is different"... ladies i will tell you the truth... HE's not... if he has a penis he is not different... even its a "tiny wheeny itsy bitsy cutie mutie for which he needs a tweezer just to please himself" penis... he is still a man and HENCE a perv. This is what your boyfriend is actually thinking when he is caressing your hand.... "HOW MUCH LONGER DO I HAVE TO DO THIS GODFORSAKEN SAPPY LOVE SICK HAND CARESSING NONSENSE BEFORE I GET TO THE GOOD PART!!!! CANT WE JUST CUT TO THE CHASE. WHAT MORE DO I HAVE TO DO!!! WHY GOD!!! WHHYYYYY!!!!!!!!"
Sorry ladies he IS thinking about sex at that very sweet and innocent moment. I am sorry but thats the way it is. Women have a soundtrack intune with their life playing in the back of their minds.... well men have a porno movie playing in the back of their minds... all the time.
This too is the fault of women... evolution has made us into this. It is similar to how man evolved to crave for sugar since it was in such limited supply in the prehistoric age (Hershey's only had one factory then).... since women have been denying us sex for soo many years... men have evolved into perverts who are always thinking about sex... even at the purest most innocent of times.
Men are Sadists
Its a Friday night and the boys are going to the stripclub... do u know one thing that your boyfriend would enjoy more then having some STD filled prostitute rub her breasts in his face for a buck (and no u S&Mer's its not that)... the one thing your boyfriend loves more than that is making u cry. As sick and twisted and demented as it sounds... its true. Guys love to make girls cry... Guys start training from childhood to learn how to make girls cry... we start of with some crude methods such as pulling the girls ponytail or calling her names.... and then we slowly mature and learn more subtle means to make a cry... such as pulling their ponytails and calling them names.
Though some men evolve into greater beings, who make making girls cry into an art form. These noble men sacrifice their own manliness... their egos just to make a girl cry.... I salute these men. Here is what they do... i think these guys have a emotion detector up their ass or something... but they know when a woman is slightly sad. What they do is they grab on to that sadness and rub it in... heres an exerpt from such a scene...
"So the chicken got burnt... its ok... its ok... its ok its not ur fault.... Look at me... Look at me God damnit... its not ur fault... its ok if u want to cry... its ok... u've been a brave girl for soo long... its ok if u want to cry... its not ur fault that your mother didnt love u".... and at this point the man's eyes start to glisten with moisture aka tears and his voice starts to crack up... "Its ok if u want to cry... im with u... a person can only take soo much... its not ur fault... u can lean on me"... now the woman's eyes start to moisten and the guy senses victory and goes for the knockout punch...with tears flowing he says.... "Its ok... I love u"... and as soon as the guy sees the first picture perfect tear drop rolling down the girls cheek he starts doing a victory dance in his mind.... and all he wants now is this stupid crying bitch to stop crying. Whatta sadist... tsk tsk tsk.
So there you have it ladies and Gentaman, the uncut unbiased truth about men.... all our shortcomings can be blamed on the women... we men are but God's naive creatures... we do not know any better then the bunny that is humping the other bunny.... we just follow our instincts... if Eve had not told Adam to eat the forbidden fruit... Adam wouldn't have known better.... but once he had the forbidden fruit... he wanted it again and again and again... but would Eve let him have it.... Noooooooo... so man evolved into what he is... a sex craving hypoctritic perverted sadist.... Well done Women... i hope you are all proud of yourself. Tsk.... tsk... tsk.
This post has been long over due. To maintain the harmony and balance in the world i must describe the truth about men. My fellow man i am not gay for telling the woman species our secrets... cuz they arent really secrets. One thing which men arent is subtle. For example, say u meet a new guy... say his name is Daniyal... it cud be anyone...the name has no bearing on the story...it doesnt reflect the character of the Daniyals in the world... as i was saying... say u meet a new guy, Daniyal... and ur talking to him abt one thing or another... u notice that Daniyal's eyes are looking at ur cleavage and not ur face... what does this mean? hmmm i need to think... does anyone know the answer... anyone... HE LIKES UR BOOBS!! Thats it! Men are that simple to understand... we lack the subtlety (cant spell but im too lazy to check) gene. That example in mind i am going to delve in greater details the characteristics of men.
Men put the hippo in Hypocrite
Men are the biggest hypocrites in the world and they dont even realize it. Unfortunately this is no fault of the man himself rather its the womans fault (surprise surprise). Men aren't hypocrites with their pals or buddies... its only with girls.
Here is a typical event in a Plain Hira (Jane's Pakistani counterpart) and Average Shahid (Joe's Pakistani counterpart) relationship... "Shahid... why can't i go to parties"... "Cause ur a girl and im a guy"... "But Shahid, all the other girls go... even your sister does"... "Boo fucking hoo... i said no and no means no! BAS!!!"
The hypocricy stems from girls having the Oprah Complex aka the You Go girl Complex... women suffering from this complex think that the above mentioned guy is not looking at her breasts but rather is looking at a locket she has containing a family portrat.... and she thinks that this guy just wants to be friends with her. This is the dumbassedness (yes its a word... though i made it up) which leads men to their hypocracy. These girls think they can handle any situation and that all guys are sweeties.... WRONG!!! WRONG!!! WRONG!!!
Men are pervs to the power infinity
Men have the ability to make anything no matter how sweet in appearance into something perverted. Say your boyfriend... who ofcourse isnt like the other guys... he loves you for your personality and not ur looks (insert vomit stain and soundeffects) is caressing your hand... this is pure lustless amour... this is Love in its purest form... (insert author smacking himself senseslessly with a hammer).
If you think so then you are suffering from the complex called "My boyfriend is different"... ladies i will tell you the truth... HE's not... if he has a penis he is not different... even its a "tiny wheeny itsy bitsy cutie mutie for which he needs a tweezer just to please himself" penis... he is still a man and HENCE a perv. This is what your boyfriend is actually thinking when he is caressing your hand.... "HOW MUCH LONGER DO I HAVE TO DO THIS GODFORSAKEN SAPPY LOVE SICK HAND CARESSING NONSENSE BEFORE I GET TO THE GOOD PART!!!! CANT WE JUST CUT TO THE CHASE. WHAT MORE DO I HAVE TO DO!!! WHY GOD!!! WHHYYYYY!!!!!!!!"
Sorry ladies he IS thinking about sex at that very sweet and innocent moment. I am sorry but thats the way it is. Women have a soundtrack intune with their life playing in the back of their minds.... well men have a porno movie playing in the back of their minds... all the time.
This too is the fault of women... evolution has made us into this. It is similar to how man evolved to crave for sugar since it was in such limited supply in the prehistoric age (Hershey's only had one factory then).... since women have been denying us sex for soo many years... men have evolved into perverts who are always thinking about sex... even at the purest most innocent of times.
Men are Sadists
Its a Friday night and the boys are going to the stripclub... do u know one thing that your boyfriend would enjoy more then having some STD filled prostitute rub her breasts in his face for a buck (and no u S&Mer's its not that)... the one thing your boyfriend loves more than that is making u cry. As sick and twisted and demented as it sounds... its true. Guys love to make girls cry... Guys start training from childhood to learn how to make girls cry... we start of with some crude methods such as pulling the girls ponytail or calling her names.... and then we slowly mature and learn more subtle means to make a cry... such as pulling their ponytails and calling them names.
Though some men evolve into greater beings, who make making girls cry into an art form. These noble men sacrifice their own manliness... their egos just to make a girl cry.... I salute these men. Here is what they do... i think these guys have a emotion detector up their ass or something... but they know when a woman is slightly sad. What they do is they grab on to that sadness and rub it in... heres an exerpt from such a scene...
"So the chicken got burnt... its ok... its ok... its ok its not ur fault.... Look at me... Look at me God damnit... its not ur fault... its ok if u want to cry... its ok... u've been a brave girl for soo long... its ok if u want to cry... its not ur fault that your mother didnt love u".... and at this point the man's eyes start to glisten with moisture aka tears and his voice starts to crack up... "Its ok if u want to cry... im with u... a person can only take soo much... its not ur fault... u can lean on me"... now the woman's eyes start to moisten and the guy senses victory and goes for the knockout punch...with tears flowing he says.... "Its ok... I love u"... and as soon as the guy sees the first picture perfect tear drop rolling down the girls cheek he starts doing a victory dance in his mind.... and all he wants now is this stupid crying bitch to stop crying. Whatta sadist... tsk tsk tsk.
So there you have it ladies and Gentaman, the uncut unbiased truth about men.... all our shortcomings can be blamed on the women... we men are but God's naive creatures... we do not know any better then the bunny that is humping the other bunny.... we just follow our instincts... if Eve had not told Adam to eat the forbidden fruit... Adam wouldn't have known better.... but once he had the forbidden fruit... he wanted it again and again and again... but would Eve let him have it.... Noooooooo... so man evolved into what he is... a sex craving hypoctritic perverted sadist.... Well done Women... i hope you are all proud of yourself. Tsk.... tsk... tsk.
posted by Late night with Dani at 12:04 PM
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