The Staring Game

Okay….whether you would like to admit it or not we have all played the staring game….and we have all lost at the staring game at some point in our life. What is the Staring Game you ask me…and being the all knowing person that I am (plus the guy who is writing this article) I will answer your retarded question.

To play the staring game you need two people. A starer….and a stare-eee…u alternate on who the starer and stare-eee is usually. The object of the game is to walk away with as much pride as possible. The winner is the one whose ego is left intact. To initiate the game you must be walking towards the starer/stare-eee and you must be walking on a bridge or a narrow alley way so that there is no way not to cross each other. Now the starer/stare-eee is supposed to be a person you have only met once at a party and he/she was drunk or you were drunk and you don’t know whether he/she remembers you or you were supposed to remember him/her or if you remember he/she will you be thought of as a weirdo who has no friends and remembers everyone he/she meets. All these thoughts are going through your brain as the starer/stare-eee is approaching you.

Now that all the required pieces for the encounter are ready…Let the Game begin!!!

Now what happens is…you take turns to look at the person approaching you from the corner of your eye not making it too obvious that you recognize the person or that you want to acknowledge the persons presence. So one person looks at the other person from the corner of their eye and as he/she looks away the other person looks at the person from the corner of their eye…this way you exchange being the starer or staree. This is the preliminary stage when you are quite far from each other… in which if you are an amateur you usually crack and lose some “coolness points” by blurting out in one breath “Hey…my Name is Daniyal….we met up at a party…u were drunk and with ur head in the pot…I don’t think you remember me…I was the guy who was taking care of you in the bathroom…you looked so pretty puking…I LOVE YOU!!!” Your ego takes a hit the other person ignores you if their sane or if they are trying to be oh so nice and sweet they say…. “yeh thanx….gotta run” and then jump off the bridge, commit suicide rather than having to cross paths with you. In this case the amateur is the winner by default…but usually the amateur leaves with a shattered ego and jumps off the bridge himself later on that day.

Once the preliminary stage is over and you are both more or less side to side….stage two begins…in this case there are a couple of scenarios:

Scenario 1
The starer makes eye contact with the stare-eee and takes this as a sign and smiles (all 32 teeth)… the stare-eee sees this and turns away without acknowledging that persons existence. Victor Stare-eee.

Scenario 2
The starer makes eye contact with the stare-eee and takes this as a sign and smiles (all 32 teeth)… the stare-eee sees this and returns the smile. Draw.

Scenario 3
The starer makes eye contact with the stare-eee and takes this as a sign and smiles (all 32 teeth)… the stare-eee sees this and returns the smile. But in an effort to receive some major Haraami Points the starer looks away and ignores the persons smile…leaving the stare-eee perplexed/confused/belittled. Victor Starer.

Scenario 4
The Starer makes eye contact with the stare-eee and in an overzealous effort to get coolness points….waves. The stare-eee completely ignores this and walks on….meanwhile the starer uses that same hand which is left dangling in the air…suspended by nothing but his own stupidity….to smack the shit out of himself. Victor Stare-eee.

Some tips for scenario 3…don’t leave your hand in the air for more then a microsecond….as soon as you see no response you should move your waving hand through your hair….as swiftly and smoothly as u can manage….thereby retaining some coolness points. Another more drastic method is to use the waving hand to flip the person who ignored you off…repeated…thereby turning the tables and winning the contest.

There you have it the simple rules of the staring game….now you go play it. The prize of the game is the winner lives and the loser kills himself. You are the weakest link goodbye.

Mindless Intellectual Rambling

So I have noticed that many people include these profound poems they have written in their blogs. I thought I could be poetic if I wanted to be I could be profound, deep and meaning if I wanted to…so here is my impromptu stab at poetry…It is called Mindless Intellectual Ramblings.

I looked onward at fair meadows peak i.e. a mountain,
The Appex of the plains beckoned me i.e. a mountain,
As I approached the fair meadows/Appex of the plain I drew closer to it i.e. the mountain,
My quest is a mission to complete a quest,
The infinite cyclic loop in my head seems rather redundant to me.

My heart heaved a heavy sigh, sigh which rhymes with why,
For what fair maiden does my heart yearn for, for which rhymes with thor,
For what reason do I have such a faint heart, hearth which rhymes with fart,
Maybe it’s because I am scared of the unknown, I don’t know,
I am scared right now for some unknown reason, I am more scared now

Fly sweet angel of infamous piety flyuth,
O lend me thy wings so that I shall see the fair who I hath never seenuth,
So that I can get it onuth, as I am very hornyuth,
O sweet angel you’re an Assholeth for not lending thy wings to me.

Now I must sleep, for I dream in each waking moment of sleep,
And dream in each sleeping moment of wake,
I am restless sleeper, For what you have read O drones of the world,
Is the Mindless Intellectual Ramblings of a sleep deprived fool.

There is my impromptu attempt at poetry…not bad huh….i got the scenery thing…the pseudo intellectual thing…the girl….the part where I said the poem was about nothing…I think I have covered all the famous styles of poetry…not in the most congruent fashion but I think I can use this to impress the chicks and make them wanna FRAANDSHIPPZZZ with me. This is a pretty sweet poem...i can see ppl studying this in literature class disecting each and every angle of this poem..."I think what Daniyal is trying to say in this stanza is that is that he wished for world peace....the angel he refers to in this poem is the angel of death and Daniyal being suicidal wanted death to come to him....and the girl Daniyal talks about is Angelina Jolie cuz she is HOT!!!" Yeh I can see that happening...this poem has the ability to move peoples hearts make them fart...oh shit im still in the poetic mode...snap out of it Dani or u'll get a smack on ur fanny. I think i will read my beautiful piece of poetry once more...just to see if it really is perfect.

Jeeezusss I just reread this piece of shit…what the hell is wrong with me…I’ve got issues…I need to take my crazy pills. Arrrgh! Ok ladies and gentlemen...i will not take responsibilty for what i have written above...its not my fault....its the fault of my internship...its driving me crazy...sitting in front of a computer screen all day...going to the same website every 5 minutes...asking random ppl to be ur FRAANDZZ cuz ur just soo lonely...talking to ppl on msn u dont even like...I am soo fucking bored out of my mind...u know how bored i am...i am so bored that i am actually updating this god forsaken blog more then i want to...i am become one of those people who write something everyday...those shmucks who have nothing better to do then update their blog on an hourly bases...They are my kin now...FUCK!!!! I think i'm going to take my leave now and continue on with my internship which compromises of clicking the refresh button on orkuts screen every 10 seconds...I hate myself!

God: A sadist

Today i read in the newspaper..."Death Toll of Boy Scouts struck by lightening reaches 16". Yes...u read correctly Boy Scouts!!! What sort of all loving God strikes down boy scouts...yes, these cute little boys (micheal jackson moment there) who help elderly ladies cross the street, learn how to make knots and stuff are facing the wrath of God. Not the terrorists who have killed thousands of ppl...not the retards of the world (Good old Dubya) but Boy Scouts.

God is on a mission to eliminate all the Boy Scouts in the world. As is stated in verse 421 in Gospel of St. Whathisname: "If thou shall help an old fair maiden, by thine hand will thee by struck down yee, and thou shall face the wrath of thy MERCIFUL God"...or something to that effect.

I am sure this is one of the signs of the apocalypse. If my memory serves me well the signs were as follows:

1) Even though there will be a war waging, people starving, countries flooding the top headline in the newspaper will read "Panda gives birth"
2) The stupidest man in the world with also be the most powerful man.
3) Blowing yourself up will be the cool thing to do.
4) Micheal jackson is proven not to be pedophile.
5) Boy Scouts shall be struck down by the hand of God.

I can't make this stuff up...no man can be this creative (or can he). In the end i would have a few words of advice for the youngsters reading this. The next time you see an old lady trying to cross the road...push her infront of the oncoming traffic. You dont want to incur the wrath of God...look what happened to lil Timmy for helping the old lady...and dont forget what happened to slow Al when he made the perfect knot. So to insure ur safety young'ns don't be a boy scout, start hussling some crystal meth, crack, cocaine and then maybe just maybe God will have some mercy on your soul.

Evolution: A true love story

This is an academic research paper on the future evolution of mankind. The scientific community will not accept my findings since they are too radical. I hope my voice of reason can reach you.

The next stage of human evolution which i have first hand witnessed is... TELEPATHY! I found proof of this when I was in the Subway making my commute back home... when two teenage white chicks entered the Subway And the conversation they had was as follows.... "I was like... " to this the other girl said... "Yeh like..." To which the other girl responded... "like. .." and there were a dozen more ''likes" exchanged before one of the girls Said. .."like... You know what I mean"....

Ladies and gentlemen if this isn't Telepathy I don't know what it is... It is a sad fact that Human Evolution is being led by white American Teenagers... If this trend continues then the only word mankind will be using To converse will be... "like"...All we well be able To say will be "like... Like... like..." It is a sad but accurate hypothesis.

If any of you people have seen the war of the worlds you would've deduced that Men will also soon be three legged creatures... with all these male enhancement pills the madness will not stop untie we are Tripods... Women around the world should Shudder at this thought... To combat this tripod effect on men... females will develop teeth on their other lips to fend off unwanted predators...this will result in half the worlds men being castrated which would then lead to the evolution of men who would be able to regenerate their appendages similar to how lizards grow their tails back.

I have depicted a fairly accurate picture of how humans will be in the years to come...and I have only one thing to say...God be with us all!!!