I hate my own people!!

OK....there seems to be this conspiracy going on right now. Everyone is trying to fucking piss me off and u know what fucking pisses me off more than anything even bad horror movies and that is fucking people who cant keep an appointment...and the people who have written the book on how to be unpunctual is fucking DESI's. What sort of fucked up watch are they wearing...if u give them a time of fucking 8 o clock expect them to be coming by fucking 10 o clock. Do they think you have nuthing better to do then fucking wait for them. Why cant they either not give u a time or stick with the time they have given. You know who are the worst these fucking American Desis...these guys who u grew up with back home but once they got here they treat u like shit. What the fuck you are not gods gift to earth...yes i do have fucking better things to do then to wait for ur sorry ass....they expect u to keep a candle burning until they come. Then...then...this is my fucking favourite part....then they have the fucking nerve to ask you..."Sorry, did i keep u waiting"...u've got a watch... its simple arithmetic... do the fucking calculation. I hate Desi's!!!!

The Phenomenom called... BULLSHIT!!!!

OK...there is nuthing that pisses me off more then a bad horror movie...and i saw a really bad one recently..."Dark-fucking-ness". I know alot of people have stated this before or maybe they havent but i need to get this out of my system...cause i've been having nightmares cuz that movie was sooo bad.

In which reality are horror movies set... i know it isnt our realm and i am not saying that because of the ghosts and monsters...its because of the fucking people in the movie..."Oh look i hear scary noises from the darkest most scariest part of the house...i feel the urge to go by myself with just a torch light and a thong to investigate'.....who in their right mind wud do such a thing...havent u heard the song.... who u gonna call..."GHOSTBUSTERS"...make that call nights and weekends are free. What are these people thinking....or rather why arent they thinking....havent they scene ne horror movies...u go to the dark corner something scary is going to happen or u are going to die...i know the movie wudnt go on if they didnt go in thier but c'mon give them some motivation to go in there...like they are going to get their keys or they need to take a dump and the bathroom is in the deepest darkest corner of the house....dont make them go in there just because they are feeling in a Scooby Doo mood...even Scooby and the gang splits in to groups....one of them wud take a dump while the other guy wud wipe....ok ok i know that was uncalled for but im just soo pissed (sorry scoob)...the thing that pisses me off are not the loopholes in the story...it is when a 10 year old goes into a place i wud run away from immediately...i am man enuff to admit it...if there is a scary situation and im all alone i am going to bullet...Stupid fucking horror movies made me wate 10$ and 2 hours of my life...AAASSSS HOOOO!!!!

No Liability!!!!

Today i was walking around in new york checking manhattan. Then while crossing a McDonalds something caught my eye. There was a sign stating, "THE MANAGER DOES NOT HAVE THE KEY TO THE SAFE". I stopped and pondered for a minute thinking what must have been going through the managements mind while they were coming up with this sign. "Ok guys here is what we are going to do....to avoid people robbing us we'll just tell them before hand that we dont have ne money and that way if someone comes to rob us the mangaer can be like read the sign....this is an awesome idea...with this sign we are saying that u can kill as many of our customers but we cant open the safe cause we dont have the key...this is brilliant...the robbers will come and read the sign and be like 'oohh shit oohh fuck they dont have the key now i cant rob the store i think this life of crime is not for me'...this way we will be doing a public service as well."


What the fucking fuck how fucking retarded are the people in McDonalds dont they care about their customers...someone is going to try and rob them and they will be like i am sorry didnt u read the sign but i can give u as many free smiles as u want....What the hell this world is messed up.

On the move!!!

I hate travelling. Two months ago i bought a ticket to nyc because it was sooo cheap. Shortly after buying my ticket i thought to myself what i was going to do in nyc...i dont like shopping...i dont like clubbing...i dont like sightseeing...why the fuck was i going to new york. Then i recalled that i bought my ticket because my bosom buddy was going to be there on the 25th during his winter break. I called this friend of mine to tell him the good news that we were going to meet up in new york. He got really excited and we started making plans and shit. Just as he was saying goodbye he goes "See you on the 25th of November". All of a sudden this red light starts flashing in my mind...i'm like u mean the 25th of December don't u dog...he's like no no the 25th of November...and then i'm like Oh fuck...u stupid son of a bitch. Now i was stuck with a ticket to nyc and nuthing to do. So after finding that my ticket is non-refundable and non transferable i decided that i'd try to make the best out of a bad situation and go to nyc (by no choice of my own). So the day of the flight i get ready 5 hours before departure...while travelling i become a fucking nervous wreck...i keep doing the travel dance every 2 minutes...u know the one in which u first touch your ass to see whether u have ur wallet...then u touch ur right pocket to see if u have your cell phone and keys...and finally u touch ur left pocket to see if you have ur passport...its sorta like the new version of the macarena. So i reach appleton airport half an hour before the flight due to various complications and i am freaking out because i ussually reach the airport 2 hours before the flight. Now i am rushing...checking in...getting my boarding pass...and all the two people in the airport are like what the fuck is wrong with u....this is fucking appleton airport...it takes two seconds to get through security...little did they know that i was special....I am a Pakistani who has a pacemaker. So i make my way to the metal detector explain to the guy that i cant go through it...he takes me around it and starts giving me a play by play commentary..."Now please standup put ur hands on ur side...now i am going to pat ur with the front of my hands around the leg and then i making my way up and now i am going to touch ur sensitive area with the back of my hand so that u dont feel uncomfortable...now i am making my way up ur thigh...oops i touched a sensitive area with the front of my hand. i was like god dammit the bullshit hell...this guy is trying to seduce me...and he isnt even my type. Anyway getaway from the security gaurd...manage to board the plane. Now while boarding the funniest slash stupidest thing happened. As i entered the plane there was this elderly indian woman sitting in the front and as i was looking at her i lost all control of my facial muscles and for some reason only god knows why i winked at her...I winked at a poor unsuspecting elderly indian woman...i have expected to be slapped but thankfully that didnt happen.
Fortunately nuthing else happened on the way to new york...except i saw the most high tech bathroom i have ever seen...it was straight out of star trek...automatic flushes...automatic taps....automatic paper dispensers...i didnt take a dump but im pretty sure they beamed their shit up. Reached the place i was staying went straight to bed as i had to leave next day to go to wesleyan.

The next day i grabbed the first available greyhound to Wesleyan. Now if you have ever been on a greyhound u wud know that it is the worst form of transportation...it shud be ur last resort. The drivers are on the verge of commiting suicide and are always pissed off. Its a good thing that in the movie speed the villain didnt put the bomb on a greyhound or Keanu reeves wudnt have stood a chance...the moment sandra bullock apprached the bus driver the bus driver wud've shouted..."Ma'aam please do not cross the white line".....sandra wud say "but there is a bomb on the bu...". "Ma'aam i said PLEASE dont cross the white line". "...but there is a bomb on the bus and if you dont go over 50 mph....". "Oh no girl u didnt just cross the white line...i am stopping the bus now"....BOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This time on the greyhound something a little less exciting then that happened...there was this lady talking on her cell phone...and the bus driver is like maa'aam please turnoff ur cellphone...the lady didnt give a shit about what the driver jus t said and kept on talking...Maa'aam i repeat please turn ur cellphone off....the woman once again ignored the driver. Then out of nowhere the bus driver took a sharp right turn and stopped the bus on the side of the road and then he goes..."Maa'aam u continue with ur conversation i won't move the bus until you stop talking on ur cellphone. Do you know ur cell phone is interferring with the navigational instruments". And at the point im like what the fuck....the navigational system....in a fucking greyhound bus...whats going to happen if it gets fucked up are the roads going to disappear...what the fuck having a navigational system on a bus...how fucking retarded are the drivers that they can't follow simple exit signs...newho the woman turned off her cellphone and i managed to reach wesleyan.

When i reached wesleyan i found out that the friend i was visiting was doing an african dance concert and i had to go see it. The moment i walked into the theatre my friend runs out in a hay skirt and at that point i blacked out because too many smart alick comments came to my head all at once.

This is the juncture of the trip i am at right now...so hopefully if all goes well none of the above incidents will repeat its self...i hate travelling!!!

Critics a.k.a playa haters!!!!

So...someone told me i had to work on my writing...well i want to tell that person something. I DON"T TAKE HONEST COMMENTS WELL!!!! I like sugar coated ones which tell me how awesome i am and how funny i am and how they would like me to marry them...and shit like that. Not telling me that the punctuation mark is off or i shud've used the past participle in that case. I am all about the bottom line as long as the message gets through i could'nt give less of a damn. I can't stand it when people doubt my perfection. I know everything and if you think i made a mistake its not because i made a mistakes.... its because ur feable mind cannot comprehend the larger purpose behind me delibrately making that mistake. Man.... i can't stand these playa haters. Just let the playa play his game. Don't hate the playa man hate the game.

On a more serious note i am going to switch things up a bit by posting a more serious article which is about something important to me. Later...and if u have anything bad to say about me keep it to urselves or so help me god i will strike u down with such force that u wud wish that ur parents were celibate.